Earthtalk

A fascinating story appeared in the Science section of the June 28, 2011 NY Times. In case you missed it I will summarize the major points here. I warn you that there may be some language and topics that you find offensive or disturbing in some way, especially if you are a bike rider. Research shows that bicycle seats (saddles) with a nose on them (that narrow projection out front) are incredibly hard on your hard-on! Yes, studies show that riders using no-nose saddles have erections 28% of the time while sleeping at night compared to a mere 18% for those foolish enough to use seats with noses. How, you might ask, was this determined? Now this is where the study really gets interesting. Researchers used a Rigiscan which is a machine the men wear at night and it grabs the penis about every 15 seconds to see if its erect. Sounds like a honeymoon night to me. I don't know about you, but this might explain that 28% "time erect" they reported. I am considering fabricating such a device for myself and see if I can beat (ha!) that 28%. Researchers also used a biothesiometer which consists of a trough in which a man place his organ and it slowly starts to vibrate (the trough not the penis). When the men feel the vibration they push a button. Unfortunately, the article does not explain what exactly is being measured but it sounds like a hell of a good time to me. The study was conducted on Seattle bicycle cops, 75 % of whom complained of numbness in the crotch using saddles with noses but after 6 months of riding no-nose saddles only 20% complained of crotch numbness. Now some really disturbing information was presented to explain this. Apparently you are putting 25 to 40 percent of your body weight right on you perineum (crotch thingy) with a standard saddle which lowers blood oxygen levels to your willy by 80%! It gets worse. Apparently "there is as much penis inside your body as outside"! What? Yes, it is true and "when you sit on a regular bike saddle, you're sitting on your penis"!!!! Yee-gods, this is horrible news on two counts. First, it is disgusting and second, to think we are wasting half our penises when with a little more on the exterior we could be so much more effective. I don't know about you, but this information is disturbing and has ruined my bike riding forever. I may never ride again. Oh, yeh, and saddles with noses aren't good for women riders either! (I will avoid the obvious joke here). Sixty percent report genital pain, numbness, and tingling. Amazingly, most riders are hesitant to buy no-nose seats because Lance Armstrong doesn't use one. I think better publicity for this additional finding could help: cops using conventional saddles tended to have shorter erections than noncyclists! That does it, I'm selling my bike.

Labels: Personals pressure